Career. Part 1.

So college is about to end for me. As I wrap up (read: starting) the senior design project, the more I think about it, the more I felt like yeah sure this stuff is cool and all, and I'm really grateful that God has given me the passion and talent in all this stuff, but right now, as of this moment of my project, I cannot see how it will be of any use or any good will to anybody else. I feel like the project's end is just to show off. Now it started out as a test to myself of how much stuff I've learn, but also as a sort of looking glass for myself to see where in life I am, where's my studying leading me to and where has my growing process gone? Well, I'm not very satisfied with what I am seeing. Some of these days I simply do not want to wake up at all, to face the dreadful design project. Some may see that this is an evidence of me being an terrible engineer, well, possibly...but if you're stuck in a project that you've came up with and later realizing to be really a fool's quests what can you do?

This gets me thinking, is my choice of studying engineering really something I want to do for the rest of my life? And more importantly, is a career of research or industry in electrical engineering what God is calling me to? They say discernment is about whether or not one is to become a priest, well, honestly, discernment is more like thinking about whether or not God is in the picture at all. Let me illustrate.

Four years ago, I decided to studying electrical engineering at the University of Texas in Austin. Now at the time, my rationale was: I can program stuff, high-level software, and I'm pretty good at debugging, but I wouldn't want to do CS stuff for the rest of my life. I wanted to interact more with people, I wanted to have more hands on with my product, even some circuit design or even computer architecture design of sorts. And the only two school I've applied was UTD and UT, naturally I decided to come to UT for the better program. At the time, I made the decision solely on the rationale that Texas is a better school and I wanted to have the experience of living away from home as opposed to stay at home and have mom wake me up every morning to do homework or go to class. I wanted change.

Seeing that the four years has gone by, it's about to change back after my graduation, well, actually, I do not know. After a good friend of my started seminary about two years ago, it really got me thinking, asking myself the question, where is God taking me? Where does God want me to be? I know that I have tons of excuses and tons of things, desires, stuff I really would "enjoy", but I also know that only God is the ultimate captain of my ship. So wherefore do I go after this? Or for that matter, let me look closer, what's the point of the senior design project? I'm rambling, but there's a point in this article.

1. Graduation is coming
2. Discernment of life after college
3. Immediate future: design project failures
4. Disappointments
5. Aspirations/Reality Check/Discernment


Well, it's late. I'll come back to it some other day.