Good Bye Good Stop, and Hello Next Stop.

In the past year, I think I've said so many good byes that I'm beginning to notice them! And the crazy thing is, I really don't want to say good byes. One of my favorite St. Peter moments is on the Mount of Transfiguration when Moses and Elijah came to see our Blessed Lord. And dear St. Peter said to our Blessed Lord, "why don't we make three tents, one for Moses, one for Elijah, and one for You." Of course, our good Peter did not know what he was talking about. But he knows as well as any others, a good friend's stay, not to mention when the Law and Prophets came to stay, what joyous occasion!

Many things has happened in the past few months since the new year, and I'm sure many more will happen, and amidst all God's guiding hand is upon us. Whether we get to hang out with our friends tomorrow, or whether that program you're working on at work is going to be finished. Or even how it might be so quiet and lonely when everybody leaves for vacation in far away or fun places. All is in God's hands. All we can do is to do what we can today, enjoy today, live today, to the fullest of our strength -- even if you have to live it in tears, enjoy it -- 'cause tomorrow come and it be gone.

I think through separation, distance, and the unknown, God teaches us to treasure those moments of intimacy, gatherings, and the constant. To treasure, but not to linger on. Most definitely not intoxicated and fallen asleep at the stop, even if it is a Good Stop. Fr. Bob Scott used to say every semester, a homily call the Good Stop. I think my new lesson to is that when we finally reached the end of the stop, we have to be resolve and ready to say Good Bye to our friends at the Good Stop. To walk down literally that path leading to the next stop -- the next step into life. We are a people living in temperance. Can't have chocolate all the time, but when we do, we savor it -- but we do not splurge nor binge. Same thing with friendship and relationships. Although we all wonder what the Communion of the Saints is like when we finally have passed into the next life, I think we can get glimpses of it here on earth when we hang out with our friends. It is of course, so much more awesome in heaven.

I think I've had a lot of lesson on saying Good Bye this year so far. And the chimney on the train have just whistled the departing tone. I await for the vehicle to once again visit this place where all of us are together again. Some of you I might not see for a very long time, have a good trip and enjoy, I'll see you around. But for those I'll be seeing and possibly bugging for the next while, well, I'll see you then.

I'm rambling. My point being though, I feel like God has given me so much good byes in this first half of the year, and so much moments of closeness and moments of distance, so much struggles, and so much peace of mind, so much pain and yet so much comfort, so much unknown yet so much constant presence. In transit, I await for tomorrow and the next Good Stop. This time, I will bring my camera and my beads. It will be a good time -- in God's time.

Si Dios Quiere Mis Hermanos, ...Si Dios Quiere.

p.s. I was not going to write this entry, hence of my obvious rambling state of mind. But after reading Reuben's Adventure in Mexico entry, I felt drawn to finally write these thoughts down. After such a long time since my last posting. Well, hopefully I ain't confused too many of ya'll yet.


TMH

A Love Poem Only in Christ.

[Poem written on a Saturday in late April, on a day that I've forgotten when; however foolish and terrible writing this letter/poem will sounds, it speaks of my heart true at this moment, however "intense" it dost come off as. I edited it and decided to post it, because to whom I love: Thou I still do love! (and it's not exactly easy trying to be a friend true and growing attractions to defuse)]

Miss you I do, my sister and my love,
In this day that you were gone, I only wish you were here.

I kept thinking of the day you would depart
For the Heavenly King's Marriage Feast as the bride.
Do you know how many tears of men would be shed for you?
My sister, my love, know you the bitter sweet tears?
Know you the tears that hurts worst than a punch in the face?

Alas, I wish you were here, my sister, my love.
From the spinach in the tomato sauce
To the flours, the sweet flours on the tendered chicken breasts,
Only serves to remind me of
The tender love of your persistence -- that inflaming love --
Which opened a window for a door that God has closed for me.

I was naught and I was almost gone in my puny little raft,
And by God's grace, you I met.

My feelings I could not explain,
But my sister, oh my love,
This love that I see you live -- e'er change my stony heart.

From the edge of the abyss I saw you, thanks and praise be to God.
To you I trek, looking for the fervent heart, and
My heart attracts still to your flaming heart!

I've once asked you my sister, how this flame of love you've sustained,
For so long and enduring it has so burned?

"Only in Christ," were your response.

And I thought whether this puny ship of mine
Can coast along with yours for a bout
For it seems that other lands I must sail,
to see, to calm, and to find...
'Til "Only in Christ" dost my heart burn.

But Oh how my heart burst with pain
When I see you not, My sister and my love!

Today I sit and taught children to write and to play,
Though sank my smitten heart, deep down under the wooden plank.
Every thread and every step that I touch and tread,
The more I've missed you, my sister and my love!

And so my prayer will this day be --
For you my sister and love:

"Only in Christ" may you love;
And to the man that you will come to love
"Only in Christ" may he thee find...
"Only in Christ" may he thee find!

And may our Blessed Mother this friendship of ours,
Even though we may part in ways, bless and guard,
'Til in heav'n our King and Love at last we see.

Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus,
O Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now,
At death and until forever more.

Amen.

TMH

Prayer to my Shepherd.

Love is a choice. And to love sometimes may not feel good. Sometimes it means that I will have to give up something I like doing. And sometimes love will mean that I have to remind myself to not expect anything in return, because true love is a gift. If you give a person a gift expecting them to give back in return, in other words with the intention, whether conscious or not, then your end is not love of another, but yourself. I think it is sometimes very difficult growing up in the Chinese culture where when one receives something, one is expected to give back, like a barter or a trade. Further, somehow in my growing experience, it has always been that I've expected something for everything -- but in life, that is not so. Sometimes I think one is simply called to give, called to love to put plainly -- no ulterior motives or intentions. Therefore Love is a choice on the person that commits it. And I think it is also important lesson that I have been trying to grasp is the fact that there are also a proper time for everything. You cannot want for another person, even if you think it will benefit them. No, all too often I desired to give of myself, and I realize I have become this intense and up-tight person that I try to avoid. Crazy thing is, there seems to be better suitable person to render assistance, or to give the proper opinion, or to do this or do that. And I have not quite found my niche in the area of giving myself.

I guess I really long for the opportunity to give of myself, who doesn't? Those kids that commits sin are merely people who desires some sort of real goods but tricked by the wicked snares of the devil to the counterfeit goods. And I can't say I never did fell for it neither. But knowing that what I seek is beyond the counterfeit, beyond myself, I desire, I pine, and I long for the day when I realize my call on this earth, that moment when I can completely, freely, and whole heartedly to give my entire being! O How happy would that day be?

Though I shall wander the valley of death,
No evil will I fear, for thou art at my side.
Thy rod and staff my comfort and my hope.

My Lord, my shepherd, thou hast come whilst I was asleep on the shore. And thou hast call me to Thy banquet though I be plain and unworthy. O How happy was I to see Thee, to hear Thy firm and comforting voice. In my sleep, thou hast called me; thou my Shepherd, Thou art my light. How can I give Thee myself? How can I give Thee my love? Where wouldst Thou have me? Where could I love? And whence shall I pass so to see Thy sweet countenance?

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

Though all I want, is someone to love. Not my way, nor my will, but Thine my Lord, my Shepherd.



TMH

Ave Maria, gratia plena...