A Love Poem Only in Christ.

[Poem written on a Saturday in late April, on a day that I've forgotten when; however foolish and terrible writing this letter/poem will sounds, it speaks of my heart true at this moment, however "intense" it dost come off as. I edited it and decided to post it, because to whom I love: Thou I still do love! (and it's not exactly easy trying to be a friend true and growing attractions to defuse)]

Miss you I do, my sister and my love,
In this day that you were gone, I only wish you were here.

I kept thinking of the day you would depart
For the Heavenly King's Marriage Feast as the bride.
Do you know how many tears of men would be shed for you?
My sister, my love, know you the bitter sweet tears?
Know you the tears that hurts worst than a punch in the face?

Alas, I wish you were here, my sister, my love.
From the spinach in the tomato sauce
To the flours, the sweet flours on the tendered chicken breasts,
Only serves to remind me of
The tender love of your persistence -- that inflaming love --
Which opened a window for a door that God has closed for me.

I was naught and I was almost gone in my puny little raft,
And by God's grace, you I met.

My feelings I could not explain,
But my sister, oh my love,
This love that I see you live -- e'er change my stony heart.

From the edge of the abyss I saw you, thanks and praise be to God.
To you I trek, looking for the fervent heart, and
My heart attracts still to your flaming heart!

I've once asked you my sister, how this flame of love you've sustained,
For so long and enduring it has so burned?

"Only in Christ," were your response.

And I thought whether this puny ship of mine
Can coast along with yours for a bout
For it seems that other lands I must sail,
to see, to calm, and to find...
'Til "Only in Christ" dost my heart burn.

But Oh how my heart burst with pain
When I see you not, My sister and my love!

Today I sit and taught children to write and to play,
Though sank my smitten heart, deep down under the wooden plank.
Every thread and every step that I touch and tread,
The more I've missed you, my sister and my love!

And so my prayer will this day be --
For you my sister and love:

"Only in Christ" may you love;
And to the man that you will come to love
"Only in Christ" may he thee find...
"Only in Christ" may he thee find!

And may our Blessed Mother this friendship of ours,
Even though we may part in ways, bless and guard,
'Til in heav'n our King and Love at last we see.

Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus,
O Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now,
At death and until forever more.

Amen.

TMH

Prayer to my Shepherd.

Love is a choice. And to love sometimes may not feel good. Sometimes it means that I will have to give up something I like doing. And sometimes love will mean that I have to remind myself to not expect anything in return, because true love is a gift. If you give a person a gift expecting them to give back in return, in other words with the intention, whether conscious or not, then your end is not love of another, but yourself. I think it is sometimes very difficult growing up in the Chinese culture where when one receives something, one is expected to give back, like a barter or a trade. Further, somehow in my growing experience, it has always been that I've expected something for everything -- but in life, that is not so. Sometimes I think one is simply called to give, called to love to put plainly -- no ulterior motives or intentions. Therefore Love is a choice on the person that commits it. And I think it is also important lesson that I have been trying to grasp is the fact that there are also a proper time for everything. You cannot want for another person, even if you think it will benefit them. No, all too often I desired to give of myself, and I realize I have become this intense and up-tight person that I try to avoid. Crazy thing is, there seems to be better suitable person to render assistance, or to give the proper opinion, or to do this or do that. And I have not quite found my niche in the area of giving myself.

I guess I really long for the opportunity to give of myself, who doesn't? Those kids that commits sin are merely people who desires some sort of real goods but tricked by the wicked snares of the devil to the counterfeit goods. And I can't say I never did fell for it neither. But knowing that what I seek is beyond the counterfeit, beyond myself, I desire, I pine, and I long for the day when I realize my call on this earth, that moment when I can completely, freely, and whole heartedly to give my entire being! O How happy would that day be?

Though I shall wander the valley of death,
No evil will I fear, for thou art at my side.
Thy rod and staff my comfort and my hope.

My Lord, my shepherd, thou hast come whilst I was asleep on the shore. And thou hast call me to Thy banquet though I be plain and unworthy. O How happy was I to see Thee, to hear Thy firm and comforting voice. In my sleep, thou hast called me; thou my Shepherd, Thou art my light. How can I give Thee myself? How can I give Thee my love? Where wouldst Thou have me? Where could I love? And whence shall I pass so to see Thy sweet countenance?

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

Though all I want, is someone to love. Not my way, nor my will, but Thine my Lord, my Shepherd.



TMH

Ave Maria, gratia plena...

Spiritual Diet.

Often times I hear people make remarks about finding that retreat high on the way back or the feeling of missing the retreat on Sunday on the way home. A spiritual retreat is suppose to recharge us and ready us to go back to the real world and live as Christ has commended us to. I think it is no coincidence that these retreat highs and lows corresponds to the pattern by which some of these friends that I've heard making such remarks about the rise and fall of their life. But it is suppose to be like that?

Let's take an analogy of our life as a journey, both physically and spiritually. We are growing everyday as we eat and drink physically. From childhood to teenage years, then to adulthood. So it is with our spiritual life. And on our journey we may choose to go this way or another, or to stop and check out one place over another. And God leads people into our lives and interact with us, to engulf us in His Mystical Body. And there are places that we go, some "good stops", sort to speak, to re-align and re-focus our lives towards serving God and each other. It is a fact that we know that we cannot simply stay at the "good stop" forever, we have to move on to continue the journey. Though while at the good stop, we ought to take our time and give praise and thanksgiving in appreciation to God.

One other important aspect of this journey, be it physical or spiritual, is food. In the physical world, there's a saying that one needs bread to live. And according to our Blessed Lord, "man do not live on bread alone". Our spiritual life requires food. We eat every day, some of us more fortunate to eat more meals, and it is more or less a matter depending on economics and well, ability to acquire food for meals. For it is the condition that we were set when our fore-parents left the Garden of Eden in their grievous fault. Fortunately for us, our spiritual food, is blessed from on high, that it is given to us, as the Manna of the Old Testament days. When our Blessed Lord gave us His Body and His Blood, and commended us to eat of it, He gave us the means to sustain our spiritual journey.

So, let us take a look at this analogy again. We got many people who goes to Mass every Sunday and perhaps one more day during the week when their youth group meets, and even then, maybe, just maybe, go to Mass and receive Communion. And for many of us, sometimes the Sacrament of Reconciliation is done monthly? Yearly? Or worst, sporadically in our lives! I recognize the fact that confession must be made out of free will and contrite heart, well, that is the more matter worthy of our consideration! Here are some ways by which God's Grace flows through and into the physical world, also known as "sacraments", and it is for us to receive, if we are willing and make an effort to prepare and appreciate it. And taking it to the analogy, we are journeying, from one place to another, but we only eat every Sunday, and maybe sometimes one more time during the week, and maybe one or two more additional days during the year (that may or may not be on the same day as the other dates mentioned). Well, I think the picture I've painted is one who has eating problem, if we were talking about physically eating. But so it is with the case with our of spiritual diet.

It is important to note though, that eating too much, gluttony, or a disrespect thereof, of food, is a bad thing. So it is in the spiritual sense. The lack of appreciation, the waste thereof, of the Graces that we are given is gluttony indeed! So as there is balance with eating in the physical sense, there is also a balance for each of us in our diet on our spiritual journey.

It is not nearly enough to eat every Sunday! Much more reckless and irresponsible to eat sporadically, or only on holidays! Eating physically is pleasurable because it satisfy our hunger, so it is with spiritual food for it satisfies our spiritual hunger and thirst. And I suspect the "highs" we get from retreats is because of all the Graces that God had poured forth in the spiritual banquet, not only to recharge us, but also to provide us with the necessary means to establish new habits of spiritual diet that we may gain new ways by which our relationship with Him is strengthened, re-enforced, and supported. Basically, new habits by which we can firmly, as we go forth from our retreats to face the challenges of the world, to pray unceasingly as our breath is, and to love arduously as our Blessed Lord did crucified on the Cross.

And it would be indeed a waste of God's Grace to feast on the banquet and leave without taking the lunch packs He has prepared for us to take on our journey! Well, What kind of diet are you on? Are you on a spiritual diet to gain support and satisfaction of your spiritual hunger? Or are you on a spiritual diet that would lead you to starvation of the soul? Don't binge spiritually, but eat and drink in spirit and in truth regularly so that you may live in the light!



TMH

St. Martha, pray for us!