Name.

[Article started on Oct. 7, 2006: added more stuff on Oct. 22, 2006]

Every name has its story believe me you. And Untitled Benedictus is no exception. When I was a senior in high school, I wrote an entry in my journal (actual journal) of my thoughts on religious vocation, and I couldn't think of a title, but I do remembered that there was just sooo much blessing in life that I simply cannot name (event to this day), they're like unnamed blessings! And well, that's where the name of the original website "Untitled Benedictus" came from. I hosted it on geocities with yahoo (back in the hay days), but it was deleted due to inactivity. I lost a great many articles on that website. [Hopefully I won't lost any in this site *evil narrow eyes*]

But I guess over the years in college, I realized that there's a need for me to consider much deeply about religious vocation. Actually, I realized that I need to think about "vocation" in general, not just religious alone. Funny thing is, religious vocation seemed easiest because I have never dated anyone before, and at the time it seemed easier of the few states to flow into. But after couple years of thinking, I realized that there's no reason that religious vocation would be any easier than marriage or single life. I simply have not looked into any of them and that is not the same thing as the "easier to go into priesthood" business. And I realized that no matter which way I end up going to, there's a much more important issue at hand. The finding of myself, in relation to Christ and to the world. Why am I here? What is my purpose? What does God want me to do? Who am I? Why am I borned this way? These are just some of the questions that I am still realizing I cannot ansewr without the guidance of Jesus. And I think to some degree all life is meaningless without having first answered these questions, and over the years I begin to realize that I have a zealeous will to find out the answers to these questions.

And I intend to walk this journey with the thorns in me and find out the answers (and follow through with them) whilst writing down a piece of my mind, so that maybe one day you can take as a reference of some sort...or maybe it will be the joke of the day, who knows. But for myself, I wish to know -- my reason of being. Actually, I wish to BE my reason of being, knowing is easy, but doing is sometimes the hardest thing...and I hope...


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Notice how we all have our a name that is given to us at birth? Notice how there are just things in life we're given, not that we couldn't choose later in life, but they were given to us...and nothing is required from us. It's like part of us is given to us at birth, we did not have to give anything, but it seems like sometimes we're taking them for granted or maybe we just don't appreciate it enough...? Need to talk about this a bit more.